LETTING GO OF CONTROL
My friend Freya and I had planned a relaxed ride, but the moment we reached the open field, she noticed something was off with her horse, Hank. His breathing was strained, which is part of a chronic issue she manages, so she immediately jumped off and loosened his girth. Riding was no longer an option, so we decided to take the horses for a short walk instead.
Brittney and I don’t usually go for walks. So when I stepped down and appeared beside her, she looked puzzled. Her eyes scanned mine as if to say, “What’s going on? Is this about snacks?” She started searching my pockets for the apple treats she gets on rides. When she realized this wasn’t a feeding opportunity, the confusion set in. She became a bit restless and unsure, and she began drifting off on her own.
I tried to guide her with the lead line, but it was clumsy. The more I pulled, the more resistent she became. Meanwhile, Freya and Hank, who have gone on countless walks together, looked like an old couple out for their daily stroll. I noticed Freya wasn’t tugging on the lead at all. Hank simply followed her.
So I tried something different. I unclipped the lead line completely and walked ahead of Brittney, trusting she wouldn’t wander off.
And something shifted.
Without the pressure of me holding her tight, Brittney relaxed. She followed. Naturally! And to my surprise, when I moved beside her or even behind her, she still kept track of where I was. When I stopped, she stopped. When I walked, she walked.
What I learned through experience was that horses are herd animals who naturally follow a calm, confident leader. Studies show that horses synchronize their movement with those they perceive as part of their group, especially when that “leader” walks ahead. Removing pressure often reduces confusion and allows the horse to choose connection rather than resist it.
What a great experience!
Leadership Lesson: Loosen the Grip
Sometimes we hold on too tightly to people, processes, or outcomes because we’re convinced that without our constant control, things will fall apart. But often the opposite is true. When we loosen our grip and show trust, others rise to meet us. They step into responsibility. They find their rhythm. They surprise us. Finding the right balance between stepping in and stepping back is part self‑awareness and part reading the moment. A few cues help:
Step in when safety, risk, or alignment is at stake, or when someone is clearly overwhelmed and needs structure.
Step back when the goal is growth, confidence, or ownership, or when someone has shown they’re ready for more autonomy.
Watch the subtle signals: hesitation, confusion, or repeated mistakes often mean “guide me.” Initiative, steady progress, or proactive communication often mean “trust me.”
Check your own instinct: if you’re holding on because you feel anxious, not because the situation requires it, that’s usually a sign to loosen the reins a little.
Leadership isn’t about gripping tightly. It’s about knowing when to hold, when to release, and how to create the conditions where others can move with you, not because you’re pulling them, but because they choose to.